It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion, and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it is not only that mom, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me, and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone, and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better; he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'll visit so you will get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,
Judith

PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk's drawer...I love you!