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Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Steve Wright
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird
and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about
seeing UFOs like they used to?
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial
tax cut saves you thirty cents?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they
hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now,
compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those
people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man
Mark Twain
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours and cry?
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Albert Einstein
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the
bathroom.
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're
full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be.
America believes in education. The average professor earns more money in a
year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
Evan Esar (1899-1995)
You know you are a teacher if when out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
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